It’s no secret that running has been a struggle for me ever since my most recent knee surgery. No, not because of my knee, but because of my heart. My small heart issue makes cardio difficult. When I condition my heart to get used to cardio again I won’t have as many heart issues because it will be ready for cardio at any time. As of right now, it tires easily. Taking a few months off to recover from surgery really did me in. I just have to fight my way back, as always.
With my lack of cardio has come a few things…
1. Huge gains in the gym
2. Huge gains on the scale
And before I hear that it could be a lot of muscle weight…it’s not. It’s just stupid weight gain.
I don’t like how I look right now. I know I look better than I did by far, but I also know that I’m not giving this my all. I’ve done this to myself. I overate during Mercy Health Glass City Marathon training, I had knee surgery #6 and then I’ve just been eating everything in sight since then. Okay, I haven’t been that bad at all, but there are days where it feels like it.
I haven’t been amazing with my diet and I’m trying my best to not get into the cycle where I’m sad about my diet so I eat a bunch of shit to make me feel better, making me feel worse. My workouts have been on point in the gym and only so so with running (due to the heart), but it’s the eating that is crippling any progress I have. I eat like a champ during the day because I take my food to work with me. I eat like I’ve never seen food before at night because that’s where all of the food lives! One issue is that since I live alone, if I buy something I am the only one there to eat it. And then I do. When you exercise a lot you can NOT eat whatever the hell you want and look fabulous. Okay, certain freaks of nature who are lucky af can do this, but not me. With being only 5′, every single pound shows. A lot.
I read this from my friend and Mercy Health Glass City Marathon race Ambassador, Dean at Running in the Fat Lane, and it completely hit home for me. I am obsessing about all of the bad things and not noticing many of the good ones.
I need to remember I am lucky I can run after 6 knee surgeries.
I need to remember that I am lucky I am run with this stupid heart ish.
I need to remember that I am lifting heavier than ever and making gains all over the place.
I need to remember where I started (150 pounds).
I need to remember my ultimate goal – where I was just under a year ago (110 pounds).
I need to remember that where I am right now isn’t the end of the world (120 pounds).
Hear that Amanda – NOT the end of the world.
I am not lean anymore, I have my trusty protective coating for my new gains and since I’m feeling bad about that, I’m eating more. I need to take it easy on myself. I need to get back on track.
I need to do this for me and my mental health, just as much as my physical health.
Yesterday was an epic and kind of life changing day for me. I got my half sleeve tattoo done. So, technically not a full half sleeve since it doesn’t wrap around my entire upper arm, but close enough in my book. Here is one of the last pictures of my naked arm. The finished product […]
There are only 8 months and 3 weeks until the 41st Mercy Health Glass City Marathon on April 23, 2017. I know most people are focused on their fall distances races, but spring races are right around the corner. I started thinking about the 2017 race the day after the 2016 race had completed. I […]
I attended my first Dave’s Fall Marathon In Training (MIT) training night last Wednesday. There were five miles on the schedule and I knew for a fact that I wouldn’t be able to run all of them. I haven’t built up my mileage to that point yet. My PT made me promise to take it […]